One of the fascinating things about working as a psychotherapist is the opportunity to observe how many of our problems involve us getting in the way of ourselves. The difficulties we encounter are frequently the result of self-sabotage, and managing them often requires wrestling with our own drives, doing our best not to give in to every impulse. This is easier said than done, of course. To lose weight and keep it off, to successfully climb out of debt, to find meaningful work, to maintain long-term, happy relationships: all demand postponing our immediate desires in the service of a longer-term goal.
Delaying gratification, as it’s called, has been a useful tactic for aeons. But at a certain point it becomes reasonable to ask: why does so much of modern life seem to involve swimming upstream? Why is it that following our instincts often seems to land us in so much trouble?
One of the central ideas in the field of evolutionary psychology is that of “evolutionary mismatch”. Put simply, we evolved in a very different environment from the one in which we now find ourselves. As a result, our brains, bodies and instincts are poorly matched to their surroundings.
How much does this really matter? Isn’t a hallmark of being human our species’ ability to adapt to changing circumstances? Yes and no. Yes, we have a remarkable ability to deal with new problems, collaborate to find solutions, and create technology to help us realise them. At the same time, anthropologists estimate that human genetics and anatomy have remained largely unchanged for about 100,000 years. Back then, we lived in small nomadic hunter-gatherer tribes, only developing agriculture about 10,000 years ago and civilisations 5,000 years ago.
For all but a vanishingly small number of us, the contemporary human habitat isn’t the one we were made for. Genetic adaptations (which can take tens of thousands of years) could hardly be expected to keep up with the move to cities, let alone technological and cultural shifts, which can have dramatic impacts within a single lifetime. So what has the fallout been?
Perhaps the starkest impact has been on our waistlines. The instinct to binge on foods rich in salt, fat and sugar kept people alive for most of human history, when the next meal was never guaranteed. Now we live in a world where calories are cheap, and where scientists devote whole careers to making foods “hyperpalatable” – which is to say far more appealing than any food found in nature. These artificial snacks interfere with the body’s ability to regulate appetite, making it very difficult to have just one crisp, or just one biscuit. Obesity, previously rare, has now overtaken malnutrition as the leading public health issue relating to diet in many parts of the world.
The realm of dating (and mating) has also changed beyond all recognition. A strong drive to find the right sexual partner was indispensable when we banded together in tribes of about 150 people against an unforgiving world. But in those days, the pool of potential mates was small. Now we have devices that connect us to thousands upon thousands of them. As a result, the process often becomes protracted and overwhelming – a phase of life characterised by choice paralysis, hurtful behaviour such as ghosting, and the constant anxiety that our true soulmate is just a swipe away.
In the same way that hyperpalatable foods exploit our ancient appetites, AI-driven tools such as ChatGPT have begun to exploit our deep desire for meaning
Rising rates of depression and other mental health problems can also be viewed through the lens of mismatch. Hunter-gatherer life involved constant companionship, hands-on work that was immediately rewarding (such as finding food or building shelter), and communities rich with tradition, ritual and spiritual meaning. Modern technology now makes most of these things optional, rather than essential. As a consequence many of us are living a life disconnected from others, lacking in fulfilling work and devoid of meaning. Seen in this context, low mood is not the misfiring of a broken brain, but a signal that we might be missing out on important aspects of human experience.
To deal with these gaps, some of us turn back to technology. In the same way that hyperpalatable foods exploit our ancient appetites, AI-driven tools such as ChatGPT and Replika have begun to exploit our deep desire for meaning, as well as social and romantic connection. AI companies themselves have been surprised by the extent to which people become emotionally attached to their products. And reports are emerging that chatbots can fuel the delusions and paranoid thinking of people vulnerable to psychosis.
None of this is to say that the right path for humanity is to attempt to return to the distant past. Hunter-gatherers did not live in utopian harmony like the Na’vi in Avatar. Rather, I am suggesting that there is a powerful explanation for many of our current physical and mental difficulties, and it’s that the world has developed in ways our biology hasn’t been able to keep up with. If you don’t take this into account as you look at your own life, instead expecting yourself to perform like some kind of highly optimised machine, you open the door to profound self-criticism and resentment. The frustration of not being able to lose weight, the emptiness of the job you were always told to want, the loneliness of modern cities – these can all feel like individual failures.
Conversely, understanding the life we evolved for allows us to look at our problems with more clarity and self-compassion, and can nudge us towards better, more informed decisions. Rather than berating ourselves for not being able to control our impulses, we can see them through the lens of mismatch and start to think about helpful mitigations. Some solutions are straightforward, like keeping junk food out of the house, deleting social media apps or limiting screen time.
Others are more complex, and require stepping back to see the bigger picture. Community, collaborative problem-solving, ritual and meaning are vital ingredients for a satisfying life and will remain so, whatever technology we invent or cultural trends bubble up. Thinking about how to build these into our lives so that they’re part of its fabric, rather than optional extras, is a potentially life-changing exercise. Not because there’s anything wrong with us – but because we find ourselves in strange times.
Dr Alex Curmi is a psychiatrist, psychotherapist in training and presenter of The Thinking Mind podcast.
Further reading
The Social Brain: The Psychology of Successful Groups by Tracey Camilleri, Samantha Rockey and Robin Dunbar (Penguin, £10.99)
The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating by David M Buss (Basic, £16.99)
Behave: The Biology of Humans at Our Best and Worst by Robert Sapolsky (Vintage, £12.99)