Down here in Australia there’s a world of awe-inspiring wonders to behold, natural and man-made totems so stunning they can make your jaw drop to the floor.
Which, in a rugby context, is a power that David Campese still possesses, in a way that’s part-Alan Partridge with a hint of David Brent.
At times, the once-great wing makes you stand back in bewilderment at some of the things that he’s prepared to commit to air or print, with a seemingly unembarrassable air.
He was at it after the Lions loss to Argentina and he’s been at it again since. Maro Itoje is “not a captain”, he thundered. Itoje is not in the squad for the Force game, but it’s a revelation that a fine leader is not actually a leader at all.
“I don’t know why you play [Marcus] Smith at full-back [against the Pumas], [Blair] Kinghorn is a far better player.” The only problem with that searing contribution is that Kinghorn is still with Toulouse, Campo.
“There’s no [Brian] O’Driscoll at 13,” he continued. Er, well spotted. Andy Farrell, he says, is playing rugby league tactics that could put him in a lot of trouble against the Wallabies. Hmm. Didn’t Farrell’s Ireland beat the Wallabies last autumn?
Campo, to be fair, is an equal opportunities assassin, turning his guns on Joe Schmidt for wanting to play “Joe Schmidt rugby.” As opposed to…
His musings are all part of a Lions show in Australia. Frankly, if he wasn’t piping up you’d be minded to check his pulse. None of what he says – or what anybody else on the outside says – matters, of course.
The only thing that counts now is performance. And if this tour is going to reach lift-off on Saturday then perform the Lions must.
It should be a soaring Lions win. That’s not being disrespectful to the Force, it’s being realistic. The Force finished ninth of 11 in Super Rugby this season, the lowest of the four Australian franchises.
“They’re hard to beat,” said Farrell. Not really. They won four, lost nine and drew one.
Farrell tried to talk them up, suggesting that they weren’t far away in Super Rugby and that nine losing bonus points tells you that they “don’t go away”. But they do, regularly. They actually only got four losing bonus points. They conceded 45 points in two games and more than 50 in three more.
And, against the Lions, they’re missing three of their best players. Lock Jeremy Williams, back-row Carlo Tizzano and wing Potter have not been released from Wallaby camp for this one. Kurtley Beale is out injured. Nic White, the veteran scrum-half, leads the side.