Sarah Parish and James Murray on a boat in 2006 and 2025Sarah Parish and James Murray in 2006 and 2025. Later photograph: Pål Hansen/The Guardian. Styling: Andie Redman. Hair and makeup/grooming: Neusa Neves at Arlington Artists using Lashify, Mario and Lisa Eldridge. Archive image: courtesy of Sarah Parish and James Murray
Born in Somerset in 1968, Sarah Parish is an actor best known for her roles in W1A, Industry and Stay Close. She met fellow actor James Murray, 50, while working on the BBC drama Cutting It and they married in December 2007. In 2014, the couple set up the Murray Parish Trust in memory of their first child, Ella-Jayne, who died at eight months of a congenital heart defect in 2009. Relaunched as Imagine This, it is the only UK charity solely dedicated to supporting the mental wellbeing of ill children and their families; earlier this year the pair received MBEs in recognition of this work. Sarah and James live in Hampshire with their teenage daughter, Nell.
Sarah
This picture was taken in Abersoch, north Wales. It was a beautiful summer and the first time I’d been to the house Jim used to own with his brother and sister. Not only was it meaningful to visit an important place for Jim, but it was a fun, party holiday. I look very carefree. We had been together a year.
Although this image is very idyllic, the first part of our relationship was quite dramatic. It was the early 00s and we were out a lot in Soho, having a great time mostly, but also being fairly tempestuous together. The thing you really love about somebody often becomes the thing you find threatening. While Jim and I were drawn to each other because we’re both out-there, sociable characters, we probably tried to tame each other a bit – which, funnily enough, didn’t work.
The first time I met Jim was at a party. I didn’t like him much. I thought he was a very attractive man, but once we spoke I realised he had recently worked with my ex-boyfriend and had a preconception of me based on what he’d heard about the relationship. Jim said something inappropriate about the breakup and I remember thinking, what a shame he’s so rude, considering he’s so nice-looking.
Our relationship has settled into something much more peaceful. We’ve watched each other grow up
The next time we met was a month later at a read-through for Cutting It. He walked in and I thought, “Christ, it’s him.” This time, we became good friends. I didn’t realise that I liked him romantically until some of the cast went to play pool one afternoon. Jim took a shot, and had his back to me, and I said to my friend, “Something’s happened. I really fancy him.” I guess it was love at first back.
Just over a year after this photo was taken, we were married and I was pregnant. Jim and I lost our first daughter, Ella-Jayne, to Rubinstein-Taybi syndrome. It was an incredibly distressing, life-changing time for us. My memories of that whole period are blurry. Even though she only lived for eight months, Ella-Jayne made a huge impression on so many people. Her memorial was a beautiful experience and we both read eulogies.
It wasn’t easy on our relationship; Jim and I found it difficult to look after each other. Grief is all-consuming and we realised we had to do something. We found this amazing initiative called Hands Up Holidays, and went to Vietnam and Cambodia to work in various orphanages. On our return, we felt an enormous amount of strength, having been with children who had experienced unimaginable trauma but still had smiles on their faces. If they could carry on, so could we.
The death of a child is difficult to get through as a couple, and maybe without setting up our charity we wouldn’t have made it. Now, Imagine This takes up most of our time, while acting feels like a holiday. We still have friends over to socialise every weekend, but we’re not nearly as wild as we were 20 years ago.
Our relationship has settled into something much more peaceful. We’ve watched each other grow up, and now what I find most attractive about him isn’t nearly as superficial as the view of his back – it’s the way he throws himself into his passions.
James
The weather in north Wales means that you can very rarely spend a day diving off a boat into the sea, so that holiday was very special. The boat was laden with booze and more booze. It felt like anything was possible.
At that point in time, our relationship was quite rock’n’roll. We were both successful actors and thought the world was our oyster. We travelled a lot, we partied a lot. We were both strong personalities who kept testing each other’s boundaries, only to be frustrated when we realised we couldn’t change one another.
skip past newsletter promotion
Sign up to Inside Saturday
The only way to get a look behind the scenes of the Saturday magazine. Sign up to get the inside story from our top writers as well as all the must-read articles and columns, delivered to your inbox every weekend.
Privacy Notice: Newsletters may contain info about charities, online ads, and content funded by outside parties. For more information see our Privacy Policy. We use Google reCaptcha to protect our website and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply.
after newsletter promotion
When I realised Sarah was going to be in Cutting It, I thought, “Oh God. Last time I saw her, it wasn’t great, so I’m just going to keep my head down.” On the day of the first read-through, I was a bit late, and the one spare seat was next to her. I assumed she would ignore me, but she was sweet, polite and behaved like any good lead actress would, welcoming and kind to the new person. It was that very quality that made me fall in love with her. Not only was she a brilliant actor, but how she behaved on set with people – cast, crew, whoever – was deeply impressive. Often the life of an actor is very transient, but Sarah and I stayed in touch after the show and became good friends. I don’t remember our first kiss, but it’s very likely I made the first move.
Losing a child is such a hard thing to digest, but when we harnessed the grief, it got easier
When Ella-Jayne died, it was insurmountable. A lot of people didn’t know what to do or to say to us. That dynamic can get very exhausting because you feel like you have to apologise and help them get over their awkwardness. In the end, we ran away. For us to go to those orphanages and immerse ourselves in these stories of hope and reconciliation, that really put life in perspective. We came back in a much stronger frame of mind.
Everyone grieves in different ways. For Sarah and me, there were moments of extreme volatility and disagreement that led to us questioning our future together. The loss of a child is such a seemingly impossible thing to digest unless the other person is feeling exactly the same emotion as you at exactly the same time. It’s very difficult to find a connection. When one is feeling down, the other has to feel strong enough to look after them, and vice versa. It’s hard to get the scales right and that can cause friction.
We set up the trust five years after Ella-Jayne died. There is no finite amount of time you can spend working on a charity – it’s not a nine to five job. You could dedicate 24 hours a day to it and there’d still be more to do. But from my perspective, as soon as we harnessed the grief and focused, it became easier for us both.
After spending a long time with someone, you often don’t notice them changing, day to day. But when I step back and think of Sarah’s evolution, it’s amazing. I want to say it’s like watching a flower bloom, but that’s too cliched. Instead, Sarah is a whole garden. Maybe I helped plant a few seeds or sketched out the landscape in the beginning, but 20 years later she has grown into this beautiful, thriving ecosystem that nurtures everyone around her.