We live in a society that champions individualism, productivity and professional and financial success. At every turn we’re encouraged to do it all, which can make us worry that if we’re not being productive, what is our purpose?
Across two years of research, including interviews with more than 60 perinatal health specialists and hundreds of mothers on the Australian Birth Stories podcast, we learned that most mothers enter postpartum with unrealistic expectations of themselves and their bodies. Some are left feeling purposeless and questioning their worth when the work of caring for a baby doesn’t fit with the narrative of a results-driven society.
And so it’s helpful to flip the narrative and consider rest as the most productive thing you can do after birth. While pregnancy is the most ordinary of experiences, it is also absolutely extraordinary; it’s the longest, highest-energy expenditure task the human body performs.
After that you deserve rest, you need rest and it’s important to remember that your body heals when it’s resting. In fact, making a full recovery from childbirth is dependent on rest. When you care for yourself in postpartum, you lay the foundation for your long-term health and wellbeing.
When it comes to postpartum, especially if you’ve got older children, rest is only made possible through intention, preparation and support. There’s a lot of privilege associated with the opportunity to rest – access to a support network or the funds to pay for one – but it also requires you to value it and prioritise it. Understanding that there are different ways to rest, even when sleep is not something you can count on, can make that easier.
Choose to spend time with people who support you. Photograph: SDI Productions/Getty Images
1. Social rest
This doesn’t mean cancelling all plans but rather considering how you feel in social situations and being aware of the effect people have on you. Social rest is choosing to spend time with people who support your intentions and bolster your energy, who fill your soul and make you feel good.
Ultimately, you want your social interactions to be positive and meaningful rather than draining and obligatory. This is particularly pertinent in early postpartum when unwanted guests can become a hindrance, tiring you and your baby by overstaying their welcome, which will make you feel depleted and exhausted at an already overwhelming time.
Give your brain space to process what you’re learning. Photograph: Anastasiia Stiahailo/Getty Images
2. Mental rest
The immediate period after birth is a mentally demanding phase of rapid learning. This focus and subsequent exhaustion is exacerbated by birth recovery, fogginess (often referred to as “baby brain”), sleep deprivation and learning to breastfeed (if you do so). It’s imperative to give your brain space to process what you’re learning so the lessons have time to sink in. To create this space be mindful of what else you’re consuming, especially advice from social media, as information overload can make it hard to be discerning.
If you feel as though there are too many thoughts, ideas and questions in your head, write them down in a dot-point list: it helps you to find clarity and empties your head of distractions.
3. Sensory rest
Because you’re in a physiologically vulnerable and sensitive state, you want to be gentle with your whole self. Any stress, anxiety or concerns will rattle you more than they usually do. Calming music, warm baths, hot tea, cosy clothes and minimal screen time will help you stay grounded. Think of your postpartum bedroom and house as a cocoon; prepare it while you’re pregnant and you’ll really benefit from its comfort.
You’ll also benefit from time alone where no one is touching you. Being “touched out” is a common experience in early motherhood and is particularly relevant if you have older children who can, understandably, need extra touch and reassurance. This may quickly feel sensorially overwhelming, so prioritising breaks – in the shower or bath, in your bedroom with the door closed – goes a long way to creating the physical space you need to feel settled.
4. Physical rest
Beyond the passive physical rest of sleep, active rest such as lying horizontally as much as possible in the first few weeks after birth is a big step towards recovery. This allows your pelvic floor to heal from pregnancy and birth, which is important for your long-term health.
Active rest also involves releasing obvious tension in your body. Moving your hips and legs in a way that feels good – yoga, massage – is recommended in postpartum to improve circulation. Likewise, performing gentle stretches of your upper body, neck and shoulders will release the tension you may experience while learning to breastfeed.
If you’re breastfeeding, it can be really helpful to feed while lying on your side; this prevents your upper body from getting tense and won’t place unnecessary pressure on your pelvic floor and perineum. But if you’ve had a caesarean birth, lying on your side to feed can be painful for the first few weeks, so you may be more comfortable in a supported seated position.
Processing your thoughts with empathetic listeners is important. Photograph: Hinterhaus Productions/Getty Images
5. Emotional rest
Talking to your partner, birth support person or doula/midwife is important. We often have a lot to unpack after birth and it’s common to want to share how you felt in labour, the highs and lows of the experience, and how you feel now. This is really healthy: you’re letting go of your thoughts, processing them with empathetic listeners and considering how they make you feel. Emotional rest is the calm you feel when you can share your experience in an honest and authentic way.